I'm a fan of writing, but I'm not a writer. Really, I'm not much of a creative person in general, and it's something I've always been unhappy about. I've never written anything, even short stories or something stupidly simple. Never drawn anything, never made some music (at least I could play some, not anymore though).
I've recently tried to approach writing, mostly stored on files I keep to myself or even more private places, because it seems like one of the most approachable outlets for my creativity right now. It's like programming, in a way, you only need a computer (or pen and paper, really) and time, no fancy expensive tools or instruments.
But the issue is, if you've never done anything before, you're probably not going to be very good when you start out. You'll most likely be pretty terrible, in fact.
I really have no way to gauge exactly how good or bad I do at writing, except reading what I write again or asking other people for feedback. But it didn't feel enough, I felt like I needed a more objective way to look at my progress, so that's when I decided to start using tools like grammarly.
I have to say, I've always thought of myself as someone who had a good grasp on grammar and had a good vocabulary. I know I'm not the best at explaining concepts clearly, and the way I structure my sentences can often come off as convoluted and confusionary. The last issue might have to do with the fact that the way in which we write in Italian is very different from how people write in English. I'm used to seeing longer phrases in my first language, with lots of commas and subordinate propositions, which is frowned upon in English, at least in my experience, which seems to favor shorter sentences, separated by dots.
Anyways, according to grammarly my vocabulary is not great, way worse than the average user's, my tone is way off, my readability is lacking and my grammar is completely broken.
Now, I don't know how to improve those things without drafting and drafting a text over and over again, which isn't quite what I signed up for, but I probably should have seen coming. I thought writing was going to be this easy thing everyone can do without knowing anything about it, just smashing keys randomly and hoping your message somehow comes across. No reading back your thoughts, just throwing them on the screen and hoping something sticks.
I no longer know what the "right" approach to writing is for me. Should I be happy with getting thoughts out of my head, getting the satisfaction of communicating something in a more verbose way than a post on mastodon, or should I try to improve my skills as a writer in the process? The former feels like a more personal and egoistic approach. Like saying to the world "Here's some of my unfiltered, completely raw thoughts. Wondering way they feel so inaccessible? Because they're for me, certainly not for you."
Instead, the latter option is more worried with what other people would think. It's trying to accomodate them and make their stay inside my head more worthwhile.
I'll try to rewrite this post, try to make it more readable and comprehensible. I might post both the draft version and the refined one, and see how I feel about them.